Adrift..

Adrift upon an endless ocean;
Don't konow where I am going or how far.
Rise and fall of the waves are constantly in motion.
Insignificant flotsam passes by.
Feeling of utter despair makes me want to cry.
Taking a deep breath, I ask myself, "Why?"

Adrift within an endless black void;
Don't know where I am going or how far.
Rolling past me is an inoperable android.
Insignificant rubble passes by.
Feeling of great lonliness makes me want to cry.
Talking to myself, I enquire; "Why?"

Adrift within a creative mind.
Don't know where I am going or how far.
Reasonable words, phrases, and rhymes I cannot find.
Insignificant cliche' passes by
.Feeling of long writer's block makes me want to cry.
Tired, I ask my creator, "Why?"

Adrift in the silence of my room.
Don't know where I am going or how far.
Reason has been swept from my mind, like dust by a broom.
Insignificant insect passes by.
Feeling of indifference makes me want to cry.
Thoughtless, I don't ponder the question, "Why?"

Adrift in an out of body state.
Don't know where I am going or how far.
Reluctantly, I have been chosen to be here by fate.
Insignificant chatter passes by.
Feeling of non acceptance makes me want to cry.
There before me I politely ask , "Why?"

Starry eyed surprise...

I can see the stars tonight, and it's been a long time since i did that (and living in Delhi i'm surprised i can actually see the stars,not some stray airplane..). And it gave me some kind of inner solace...and frankly once in a while we all deserve a night this. A night when you can just sit out on the roof, looking at the stars and contemplating where your piece fits in this big jigsaw puzzle of the cosmos, unleashing your imagination, just like you could when you were a kid.....a night when you get an escape from the maddening realities of life and are free to let your mind wander, watching the winter clouds cover up the moon, listening to Jim Morrison's philosophy on life being sung out to you. At that moment it's as if there's just me and the starry night.

So if you're having a night like that someday, don't let it bug you down, just go out and take a look above. Once in a while it feels good to get back in touch with your inner self....and with the stars above.

After all's been said and done...

" Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear
Sealed with lies through so many fears
Lost from within, pursuing the end,
I fight for the chance to be loved again...."

I wonder what Amy Lee was thinkin' when she sang this. I have no idea why this is, but just when I had nestled into this cosy feeling that I was finally over her....last night I missed her like hell, and I couldn't sleep ( Yeah me!! must go and check where the sun rose this morning!). Almost twenty days after the whole episode took place, it all finally made sense to me...and to be honest it was something I had expected to happen, I knew I was trying to salvage whatever I could from a lost cause. Maybe that's the thing about it...it's much more tougher to give someone up than it is to lose somebody. Because then you feel you can do so much when you really can't, you want to change it all but there are no more oppurtunities to do so.

But then again I think about all the things that happened, and it makes me impugn all that I know.....hate gives us much more satisfaction than love ever could, love just gives you misery, cause you want people to reciprocate it and when they don't it hurts. Nothing like that with hate. Maybe it's just my fear talking, 'cause I feel like a guy who's been stripped off his blindfold after an eternity, but he just won't open his eyes to the world before him, because he's scared of the blinding light in front of him. And I will open my eyes...and as Amy put it so aptly " fight for the chance to be loved again." Amen to that!!

Excuses,excuses!

I think it's unfair, but since that's the way it seems to be, I suppose I must face up to the truth and deal with it somehow.People don't believe me anymore. In fact, I wonder if they ever did.

My reasons are taken lightly, and treated as nothing but excuses - and rather poor ones at that!! I protest!!

When I need to make excuses, they are Good ones... the kind that are believed, etc.. But if my way of thinking and reasoning is slightly different from the rest of the world, that isn't a good reason for disbelief!! Let's face it, I'm different, revel in thinking along remarkably sidey tracks most of the time, and causes and effects tend to make slightly out-of-the-ordinary linkages in my brain. So what?? That doesn't make my reasons any less valid for me! So stop doubting me, people, before I stop giving reasons of any description, for anything at all!!!

How??

How does one know what his life's true calling is? How many times must a person die before he learns to live? How many times must we fall before we learn to rise again? How many times must we get hurt before we can feel the joy? How many leaps must a person's faith take before he can attain nirvana? How does one know what his Karma has in store for him? How can a single person have so much hate and so much love inside him at the same time? How can a person kill his own soul just to please others? How can money be the answer to all our problems if it's just a meterialistic temptation? How many times should we let evil win the eternal conflict? How many blows can one person take before he strikes back? How can resorting to violence bring peace to the world? How can we expect god to forgive our sins when we can't even forgive each other's mistakes? How can a person be lonely in a crowd? How can we advocate freedom of expression and censure at the same time? How can somebody else decide what's right or wrong for me? How does one find true love? How many times is a person able to kill his own conscience? How can we all be so damn chaotic inside and still be able to say we're fine? HOW??