Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Tell It To Me Now...

Tell it to me now...
I can see it in your eyes what you won't say out loud.
Tell it to me now...
Before the silence wraps the night in its shroud.

I can feel the anguish in the air,
The screams, The pain, The flowing tears,
That hide behind this fake smile.
Tell it me now...
Let me into your secrets, maybe just for a while.

There's something missing in that laugh,
Isn't bubbling over like it used to,
You just try too hard to make it justify your tears.
Tell it to me now...
I'm here tonight, tell me about your fears.

Tell it to me now...
I can see it in your eyes.
Tell it to me now...
Just give up on all the lies.
Tell it to me now...
Before we say our goodbyes.
Tell it to me now....

P.S: For all those nice people who get concerned about anything mildly disturbing I write...this is a total work of fiction. No resemblance or connections to my life anywhere. But it's nice knowing you care and all. Until next time...Take care and enjoy the festive season!!

Cruising At The Speed Of Mind.

For all of you who were patient enough to have kept tuned in till now...i'm back!! And i'm not insulting your intelligence in any way, I know you got that from the previous post...but sometimes a man just gets the need to announce his arrival. And i'm surprised to see that the post i'd put least amount of thought into has got me the most comments. ( There's something a bit ironic about it..but then, im not complaining.)

Cruising at the speed of mind....that's just another fancy way of saying i'm going to jot down random non-sensical thoughts from memory. But atleast it's a bit creative..

Love as always, is the only thing keeping me sane all this while. Even if it hurts sometime, it does that in it's sweet special way. And to contradict my previous post,that's the only while that I love taking decisions. *Ahem!! i hope certain people are paying attention to this part* ;)

Diwali's around the corner now. And i really, really, really...okay, i see you got the point..want to be home for the festival. Cause I never have been away from home for Diwali and I really have no intentions to break up that tradition now. Home-coming of the prodigal son...now that seems to fit the occasion..

Nidhi's wedding's around the corner. The cards are here, the arrangements are being made..and all of the other things. And i'm really happy, but it also makes me realise how time passes. Seems just like yesterday, when we used to spend holidays together..getting into mock fights, lots of ruckus, yelling parents...the kind of havock only four hyper bored-to-death kids can bring upon a house...wait a minute, that was yesterday. Was at another cousin's place for a family do few days back..and it seemed kinda weird...people you've seen a lot of as kids themselves now at a different point of life, with kids of their own. Time is passing us by...

Joined this blogger community on Orkut the other day out of sheer curiousity....and unjoined exactly 43 minutes later. Actually there was this thread, "Rate My Blog"...so i thought i'd check it out, and For my thing here I got a 7 out of 10, which was more than I expected..that's not what made me unjoin. It was the comment this guy had written. "Cool design. Nice colour. Definite 7". That's when i realise i'm not really open to being judged, especially if that's how they do it. I'm not looking for a hundred hits a week or 50 comments to a post. I don't want to be on a blogroll. I would never ask anybody I know to go read my blog, if you find it wih the little link i've given you, that's ok. This is my little sanctuary where I can let my thoughts out...a place for myself. But don't take all those "dont's" seriously..after all,everybody loves appreciation.

And as the grand finale' at the end of the post...i'm going to unravel the great mystery..the question that everybody seems to have asked...."What did I have for breakfast on Isha's b'day??". Well we had to get he car serviced that day, so we were out pretty early...and for breakfast I was literally beating down the doors of KFC at 9 in the morning. AND i had a Zinger burger(with cheese, just in case youre wondering), chicken strips (I remember because they were a total rip-off) and a 7up to down it all with. Really sorry about the graphic details of the meal but I get that way with food. But I really wouldn't recommend it to anybody..gives you a heart burn around noon. ;)

A Matter Of Choice...

People tell me i'm an unreasonable man. I tell them it's not me....but the choices I make however, are.

Choices. Decisions. Actions. Welcome to adulthood. You're now grown up. And if you're not grown up yet and i'm spoiling the image of Utopia you thought you'd be entering when you'd hit a magical age...i'm sorry for doing this, but all i'm asking is don't get your hopes too high. And that it's not anything that bad, you do get to do lot of fun stuff once you grow up....once you're done taking all the choices and made the decisions. I was like you. I wanted to grow up and taste the sweet freedom that it brought along. Now all I do is reminsce about "The good old days". The only sweet taste I get is from the alcohol hitting the system, which is sad because all i'm doing is blocking away reality. And the part about the freedom has some real shrewd fine print attached to it that'd probably read something like this.."You're now, at this point of life supposed to take a decision, think about it a lot, because it could shape your future..and after you've done that select one of four pre-determined choices..because then there are some things you might think up that are just not acceptable....but still, atleast you're free to choose!!" So the freedom part is okay as long as you're not pissing somebody off..which is an art in itself...we'll discuss it sometime later.

Now, as if all of that wasn't bad enough..it gets worse. It turns out that there is a sadistic part of me that thinks it's really interesting to make the worse of choices and then watch me wriggle my way out of them...like it's testing out my stamina to survive all the bad decisions it makes ( Well, actually it's me who does all that...but it's easier for my conscience to blame a schizo-evolved alter ego persona). And i'm surviving, maybe not the best of ways to live..but I stick by what I chose for myself. My life, My rules..n some other machoistic BS like that would be the right thing to say here at this point. But i'm gonna try something different.

I like my life complicated. That way you don't need TV to kill time.

Maybe it's not a gem..but that's me. I made that choice.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

It's Ok, It's All Good.

"Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t."

If Baz was serious while saying this, then i'm probably the most interesting guy you'll ever now. They say admitting it is the first step to solution,and my dad will be relieved that i've finally realized this...I don't have a plan for my life. Don't get me wrong here, I do have ceratin set goals for myself, things I'd like to see myself do...but (borrowing a quote from Vin Diesel of all people here!!) I live my life a quarter of a mile at a time. If anybody asked me where I see myself five years from now, I'd be clueless. I am more clear about what i'd want to do tomorrow...or by the time I hit forty,but that's more of a wishlist. I seem to have set an expiration date on everything I have for now...I have no clue about how long anything will last. And I have no clue about how I got where I am now. And that bothers me....has got me in all kinds of mood swings all week long.

I am getting sick of people asking me about my name and it's religious inclinations. Anant Seam...yes, I realize it's an unusual family name but that's the way it is. From the teller at the bank to the guard at work has asked me this, "Seam?? So what religion is that?". Does it even matter??

And Kenny is not a pseudonym i've adopted to sound cooler...that's what i've been called as far back as I remember, and probably beyond that. And i'm frankly bored of answering this over and over....people, I tell you...

Realized that it doesn't much to get me depressed. But the good thing is, it doesn't take much to get me ridiculously happy either..

Saw "Bourne Ultimatum" on tuesday...and it was as awesome as I expected. Was almost thrown out of Subway outllet in CP (Intrigued?? Well, maybe i'll explain if u ask). Started working out this week yet again (i've lost count of number of failed attempts), this time 'cause i'm tired of people telling me how I don't look 22(??). Four days into it and with the pains setting in, i'm having second thoughts now...if I look younger than I am, that's a good thing right??

Well, the week's over and it's sunday again. And as you would have guessed, I don't have any plans for today either. But I'll get something out of it. It's all ok. It's all good.


It's Isha's birthday today...I just realized that. And now i'm probably going to be down all day long,I won't really be sulking about it cause of Su', I have her now...but like she tells me, you can never totally forget anybody close to you. And somewhere deep down, it still hurts...but I think that's as close to closure i'll ever get.
Memories and emotions...amazing how we tend to love and hate these things so much corresponding to our state of mind. Anyways, I should stop now..'cause this isn't really serving any rational purpose. I just need a good breakfast and some good tunes to cheer me up...it doesn't take much to make me happy, remember?? ;)

Monday, October 1, 2007

Of Raindrops, Casablanca And Mushy Messages.

Since people have been asking me this a lot since my last post on friday...yes, I did manage to get some sleep after that..no, I don't need to see a doc, atleast not for now(Or do I??).The past couple of mornings have been the way mornings are supposed to be....the sunlight wakes you up, instead of you waiting for the sun to rise so that you can just get on with the day..And I feel like some sanity's been restored.

It rained friday evening. And I took a walk in the rain after a really long time...all the way from the metro to back home.Well, at first I was apprehensive about it seeing how it was really pouring down...the fifty odd people waiting at the station couldn't be wrong, right? But after a few moments of contemplation I stepped out. And that's all it takes...the first step. There's something that inextricable about being out in the rain.After that I didn't really care about how wet I got(I, however was worried about how wet my cell would get!!)One look at the faces behind me. .some envious, some thinking i'd lost it, some aunties nodding disapprovingly..and I was on my way. There's something about being out in the rain, it brings out a whole collage of emotions. You feel free, rebellious and ecstatic all at the same time. And it gets the kid inside you to come out for those moments...splashing in the puddles still feels damn awesome!!
"Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me...." :)

Was getting really bored this morning so saw CASABLANCA for the umpteenth time, though it had been a while since i'd last seen it. And I still love the movie, there's something totally enchanting about black n' white movies. The brilliant potrayals by Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman, the superb supporting cast, a captivating display of human emotions and some of the most memorable quotes ever...Little wonder it's an all time classic. Here's looking at you, kid...

6 days. 192 messages. And a reply to each one of them.That's in addition to all the talks Su' and I have been having. And each one proving to be amazingly efficacious. That's the beauty of being in love...you can never get enough of that one person. You always know there's that one person out there who you can turn to anytime of the day or night and she's there for you....and it's okay to say how lonely you are. And most surprising of all,I can say some desperately stupid stuff and it still somehow turns out to be cute....And maybe now i'm getting too mushy, might as well as clam up!!

P.S: Speaking of doing things for the umpteenth time, am reading Douglas Adams' "Hitchhiker" again....another timeless piece that never seems to lose it's charm. And failed to read Stephen Hawking yet again...some things just aren't meant to be!!
P.P.S: The year's new recruitments are in at work..and the all guy quartet has sadly been broken up....not exactly broken up, just that we've a girl in the team now. And Abhi and J are already planning on hitting on her, but we didn't put bets up like last time(Hallejulah!!). Some things never change...*sigh*..