Was It Santa In Town Last Night?

"Ho!! Ho!! Ho!!"
- St. Nicholas a.k.a Santa Claus

"There's hoes in tha room, there's hoes in tha car..
There's hoes on stage, there's hoes by tha bar
hos by near, an hos by far"
- Ludacris in "Ho"

Times couldn't have been worse for Santa...as if it was not enough that every year less and less kids believe in his existence...he's now dealing with the moral police and has to be politically correct. No more use of the "ho" greeting anymore, unless he wants to stand up to the women's rights activists and be accused of following the hip-hop slang and using derogatory terms. I say why stop there?? He shouldn't be allowed to try and make reindeers fly for his travels..call up the PETA guys somebody!! And he makes elves do all the work for him..won't that count as exploitation of physically challenged people? Breaking and entering into houses at midnight...not really socially acceptable behaviour there either. And with that huge beard and a weird hat..the CIA will probably ground his sledge under suspicion of engaging in terrorist activities before he flies smack into a high rise...with that kinda getup, who wouldn't suspect him?? A politically and moraly correct Santa shouldn't laugh out loud, change his get up, do all his work himself and buy a jet to do his flying..and as for the gifts, Fed-Ex them or something, he can't go around breaking into our homes right?

So you're wondering what's the point i'm trying to make here...the point is life's complicated enough as it is, and then we go looking for hidden agendas in things like these...agendas that probably never exist. I wish for simpler times...times when christmas was about friends, snowfall, christmas trees and candy. Nobody cared what Santa Claus' laugh sounded like. Simpler times..when I could sing the "Ba ba b***k sheep" rhyme without sounding like a racist. The three blind mice were just that, blind mice...nobody was poking fun at the visually handicapped. I wish people would let Santa be...he's a nice guy, we believed that all these years..let's not change that now. And I wish people would believe in the good,rather than hunt around for the bad.

Merry Christmas everybody !!

Do You Remember Me??

"Nothing can ever be as shocking as life. Except writing."
- Ibn Zerhani

I would like to add confusing, difficult and creative to this list as well. Life's tough..writing about it...tougher.But then I need this, cause these are the little mementoes of thought that I take out from my mind to preserve them here. And it's not like I didn't want to write all the time i've been gone..i've spent nights awake staring at the blinking cursor..but nothing really sprang up that I wanted to write about. Which is probably just as well. I like to write when I feel I need to write, follow my own humours..rather than enquire what the one who's reading wants to read. I write when I feel ther's something in my mind that needs to come out, is required to be shared..when it becomes a necessity I just can't ignore..that's when I write. But then..there's the recall value. We all crave attention. And the recall value is only as good as your last hit..and blog-wise speaking it's been a while since I made mine. That should explain the heading...if anybody remembers me, or remembers that I was gone...

Now to what's been going on while I was gone. This could get really long so i'll just run it by like the news-ticker at the bottom of your tv screen...
Works been keeping me busy, working on my last project before I take off to a new arena...but I won't elaborate on all this, the blog is about insights on life and stuff like that..never got any such vibes from work or the workplace. 3 people'll miss me, the other 124 will never know I was there. A few may even be really happy...never know.

Nidhi's wedding was on 24th November..it was fun, all the usual hooplah attached...new suits, new haircut (at the bride's insistence) . all the relatives, a little bit of responsibility thrown in. And I won't say I won't miss her...but then I can see it plain as day, she's really happy. So i'm happy.

Which brings me back to Su'...miss her more and more each day. I hate it that we have to live so far away...stupid geography. But things overall are going good...taking it to different levels as they say. We have our good times, our bad times, moments of paranoia, emotions tend to run haywire..but at the end of the day, I tell her I love her and that's what seems to matter.

Been hitting the books again, since there wasn't much writing to do so took to reading..."A thousand Splendid Suns" and "The Black Book". Simply Amazing. The first one I didn't expect much from when I started, but somewhere in the middle, Hosseini actually had me convinced that as a guy, even I could act like a bastard if I got the chance. The second one..i'm still on it..but I love the style of writing and it's got me hooked. Been reading chapters over and over to see if I missed out on anything. I love words...specially when they come together so beautifully.

Gave the big CAT on 18th morning. Was drinking beers 17th night. No comments. Period. Applying for IIM...Idiocy n Inefficiency Mandatory.And now i'll just blabber on the rest. Have been running into Docs and Dentists more than required lately and now i'm convinced of my theory that they are so nice in person because they know people are scared of them. People from my family have started bringing me wine and beers as gifts ( The beer was from Nidhi when she got back from her honeymoon!! )...so i'm out of the closet..alcoholism-wise. The lizard in my room has got a companion..I can't make out if it's a girl or guy or whatever...but i'm jealous. I still can't seem to bring myself to delete that last pic of Isha...i'm in a double minded state there..if I keep it for memory or delete it to get over her. And that's about it for now...and i'll try be more regular now on. A bit of social service messages at the end..apparently you can get arrested for keeping that naughty sms you got last night and is still in your inbox ( Welcome to India!! ) , and the drinking age is lowered to 21..so now 16 year olds will be served as well...

By the way..when does your own space cease to be your own??

Tagged..

Wow!! My fisrt tag, thanks to Tania (Yeah..managed to get the name from Arunima's blog)...and i'm kinda excited about it...like some kind of initiation ritual..a "welcome to the blogger's tribe" kind of a thing. Anyways, let's cut to the chase and get to it...



1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it. : Okay, now i've got two of those, but since i got the first one when I was about 3 and don't really recall how I got it, i'll pick the other one. It's on my right wrist....and I got it while trying to heat up dinner for my roomies while being stoned drunk. It's a burn mark rather, but that still counts as a scar...I think...I'm so gonna suck at this...



2. What does your phone look like? : It's a Nokia 6233..black with a silver rim...it's more of your conventional shape, not really sleek or slim, but it still looks good. The features more than make up for the looks.



3. What is on the walls of your bedroom? : This would've been much more interesting if I was back home. Here, The only thing on the walls are the electrical sockets, light fixtures and there was this lil' lizard that shares my room, must be someplace around..oh yeah, there it is , on the ceiling...



4. What is your current desktop picture? :

5. Do you believe in gay marriage? : Believe?? That makes it sound like we're discussing ghosts or something. Two people in love getting married, that's perfectly okay with me regardless of sexual orientations. So i'm all for it.

6. What do you want more than anything right now? : Right now I really want that Su' would be here with me in Delhi....or me being with her, either way works... *sigh*

7. Are your parents still together? : Yes

8. . Last person who made you cry? : That would be me....I know it won't really make sense, but I made myself cry, because of what I did and what I thought...

Man...this is so gonna make me look like a wuss!!

9. What is your favorite perfume/cologne? : Boss Number Six by Hugo Boss

10. What are you listening to? : "Painted On My Heart" by The Cult

11. Do you get scared of the dark? : No. I think I like dark, I think much more clearly then....with no distractions. I do get kinda edgy walking alone in dark alleys at night. But even then, it's not the dark that i'm scared of.

12. Do you like pain killers? : Like them?? I don't like them..they do help out in pain, but like them..i don't think so.

13. Are you too shy to ask someone out? : Not too shy... I can ask a girl out, but then it's not like I can ask out girls I don't even know. And now I think i've made a mess out of the whole question...

14. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be? : Chocolate Ice cream with loads of gooey chocolate syrup and chocolate sprinkles on top...basically it's all chocolate :P

15. Who was the last person who made you mad? : The guy behind the counter at Mcdonald's. I mean seriously, how can it take half an hour to get a burger and coke??

16. Who was the last person who made you smile? : Su' on the YM 5 minutes back.... did I hear someone say cliche' ??

17. Is someone in love with you? : Yes....and very much so *gets that dreamy look in his eyes* :)

I hope somebody atleast makes it till the end without falling asleep. I really hope I didn't get too boring....and if I did, c'mon it's just my first tag!!

And now my turn to do some tagging....this could be tough considering there're only 6 people who both blog and visit my blog by my last count...and two of them already have been tagged. Anyways I tag Adi, Arch and Su' (Yeah hun..you've been tagged!!)...and anybody else who feels like it.

And i'll sign off until the next time the "voices in my head" start acting up again...Ciao!!

Tell It To Me Now...

Tell it to me now...
I can see it in your eyes what you won't say out loud.
Tell it to me now...
Before the silence wraps the night in its shroud.

I can feel the anguish in the air,
The screams, The pain, The flowing tears,
That hide behind this fake smile.
Tell it me now...
Let me into your secrets, maybe just for a while.

There's something missing in that laugh,
Isn't bubbling over like it used to,
You just try too hard to make it justify your tears.
Tell it to me now...
I'm here tonight, tell me about your fears.

Tell it to me now...
I can see it in your eyes.
Tell it to me now...
Just give up on all the lies.
Tell it to me now...
Before we say our goodbyes.
Tell it to me now....

P.S: For all those nice people who get concerned about anything mildly disturbing I write...this is a total work of fiction. No resemblance or connections to my life anywhere. But it's nice knowing you care and all. Until next time...Take care and enjoy the festive season!!

Cruising At The Speed Of Mind.

For all of you who were patient enough to have kept tuned in till now...i'm back!! And i'm not insulting your intelligence in any way, I know you got that from the previous post...but sometimes a man just gets the need to announce his arrival. And i'm surprised to see that the post i'd put least amount of thought into has got me the most comments. ( There's something a bit ironic about it..but then, im not complaining.)

Cruising at the speed of mind....that's just another fancy way of saying i'm going to jot down random non-sensical thoughts from memory. But atleast it's a bit creative..

Love as always, is the only thing keeping me sane all this while. Even if it hurts sometime, it does that in it's sweet special way. And to contradict my previous post,that's the only while that I love taking decisions. *Ahem!! i hope certain people are paying attention to this part* ;)

Diwali's around the corner now. And i really, really, really...okay, i see you got the point..want to be home for the festival. Cause I never have been away from home for Diwali and I really have no intentions to break up that tradition now. Home-coming of the prodigal son...now that seems to fit the occasion..

Nidhi's wedding's around the corner. The cards are here, the arrangements are being made..and all of the other things. And i'm really happy, but it also makes me realise how time passes. Seems just like yesterday, when we used to spend holidays together..getting into mock fights, lots of ruckus, yelling parents...the kind of havock only four hyper bored-to-death kids can bring upon a house...wait a minute, that was yesterday. Was at another cousin's place for a family do few days back..and it seemed kinda weird...people you've seen a lot of as kids themselves now at a different point of life, with kids of their own. Time is passing us by...

Joined this blogger community on Orkut the other day out of sheer curiousity....and unjoined exactly 43 minutes later. Actually there was this thread, "Rate My Blog"...so i thought i'd check it out, and For my thing here I got a 7 out of 10, which was more than I expected..that's not what made me unjoin. It was the comment this guy had written. "Cool design. Nice colour. Definite 7". That's when i realise i'm not really open to being judged, especially if that's how they do it. I'm not looking for a hundred hits a week or 50 comments to a post. I don't want to be on a blogroll. I would never ask anybody I know to go read my blog, if you find it wih the little link i've given you, that's ok. This is my little sanctuary where I can let my thoughts out...a place for myself. But don't take all those "dont's" seriously..after all,everybody loves appreciation.

And as the grand finale' at the end of the post...i'm going to unravel the great mystery..the question that everybody seems to have asked...."What did I have for breakfast on Isha's b'day??". Well we had to get he car serviced that day, so we were out pretty early...and for breakfast I was literally beating down the doors of KFC at 9 in the morning. AND i had a Zinger burger(with cheese, just in case youre wondering), chicken strips (I remember because they were a total rip-off) and a 7up to down it all with. Really sorry about the graphic details of the meal but I get that way with food. But I really wouldn't recommend it to anybody..gives you a heart burn around noon. ;)

A Matter Of Choice...

People tell me i'm an unreasonable man. I tell them it's not me....but the choices I make however, are.

Choices. Decisions. Actions. Welcome to adulthood. You're now grown up. And if you're not grown up yet and i'm spoiling the image of Utopia you thought you'd be entering when you'd hit a magical age...i'm sorry for doing this, but all i'm asking is don't get your hopes too high. And that it's not anything that bad, you do get to do lot of fun stuff once you grow up....once you're done taking all the choices and made the decisions. I was like you. I wanted to grow up and taste the sweet freedom that it brought along. Now all I do is reminsce about "The good old days". The only sweet taste I get is from the alcohol hitting the system, which is sad because all i'm doing is blocking away reality. And the part about the freedom has some real shrewd fine print attached to it that'd probably read something like this.."You're now, at this point of life supposed to take a decision, think about it a lot, because it could shape your future..and after you've done that select one of four pre-determined choices..because then there are some things you might think up that are just not acceptable....but still, atleast you're free to choose!!" So the freedom part is okay as long as you're not pissing somebody off..which is an art in itself...we'll discuss it sometime later.

Now, as if all of that wasn't bad enough..it gets worse. It turns out that there is a sadistic part of me that thinks it's really interesting to make the worse of choices and then watch me wriggle my way out of them...like it's testing out my stamina to survive all the bad decisions it makes ( Well, actually it's me who does all that...but it's easier for my conscience to blame a schizo-evolved alter ego persona). And i'm surviving, maybe not the best of ways to live..but I stick by what I chose for myself. My life, My rules..n some other machoistic BS like that would be the right thing to say here at this point. But i'm gonna try something different.

I like my life complicated. That way you don't need TV to kill time.

Maybe it's not a gem..but that's me. I made that choice.

It's Ok, It's All Good.

"Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t."

If Baz was serious while saying this, then i'm probably the most interesting guy you'll ever now. They say admitting it is the first step to solution,and my dad will be relieved that i've finally realized this...I don't have a plan for my life. Don't get me wrong here, I do have ceratin set goals for myself, things I'd like to see myself do...but (borrowing a quote from Vin Diesel of all people here!!) I live my life a quarter of a mile at a time. If anybody asked me where I see myself five years from now, I'd be clueless. I am more clear about what i'd want to do tomorrow...or by the time I hit forty,but that's more of a wishlist. I seem to have set an expiration date on everything I have for now...I have no clue about how long anything will last. And I have no clue about how I got where I am now. And that bothers me....has got me in all kinds of mood swings all week long.

I am getting sick of people asking me about my name and it's religious inclinations. Anant Seam...yes, I realize it's an unusual family name but that's the way it is. From the teller at the bank to the guard at work has asked me this, "Seam?? So what religion is that?". Does it even matter??
And Kenny is not a pseudonym i've adopted to sound cooler...that's what i've been called as far back as I remember, and probably beyond that. And i'm frankly bored of answering this over and over....people, I tell you...

Realized that it doesn't much to get me depressed. But the good thing is, it doesn't take much to get me ridiculously happy either..

Saw "Bourne Ultimatum" on tuesday...and it was as awesome as I expected. Was almost thrown out of Subway outllet in CP (Intrigued?? Well, maybe i'll explain if u ask). Started working out this week yet again (i've lost count of number of failed attempts), this time 'cause i'm tired of people telling me how I don't look 22(??). Four days into it and with the pains setting in, i'm having second thoughts now...if I look younger than I am, that's a good thing right??

Well, the week's over and it's sunday again. And as you would have guessed, I don't have any plans for today either. But I'll get something out of it. It's all ok. It's all good.

Afterthought...

It's Isha's birthday today...I just realized that. And now i'm probably going to be down all day long,I won't really be sulking about it cause of Su', I have her now...but like she tells me, you can never totally forget anybody close to you. And somewhere deep down, it still hurts...but I think that's as close to closure i'll ever get.
Memories and emotions...amazing how we tend to love and hate these things so much corresponding to our state of mind. Anyways, I should stop now..'cause this isn't really serving any rational purpose. I just need a good breakfast and some good tunes to cheer me up...it doesn't take much to make me happy, remember?? ;)

Of Raindrops, Casablanca And Mushy Messages.

Since people have been asking me this a lot since my last post on friday...yes, I did manage to get some sleep after that..no, I don't need to see a doc, atleast not for now(Or do I??).The past couple of mornings have been the way mornings are supposed to be....the sunlight wakes you up, instead of you waiting for the sun to rise so that you can just get on with the day..And I feel like some sanity's been restored.

It rained friday evening. And I took a walk in the rain after a really long time...all the way from the metro to back home.Well, at first I was apprehensive about it seeing how it was really pouring down...the fifty odd people waiting at the station couldn't be wrong, right? But after a few moments of contemplation I stepped out. And that's all it takes...the first step. There's something that inextricable about being out in the rain.After that I didn't really care about how wet I got(I, however was worried about how wet my cell would get!!)One look at the faces behind me. .some envious, some thinking i'd lost it, some aunties nodding disapprovingly..and I was on my way. There's something about being out in the rain, it brings out a whole collage of emotions. You feel free, rebellious and ecstatic all at the same time. And it gets the kid inside you to come out for those moments...splashing in the puddles still feels damn awesome!!
"Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me...." :)

Was getting really bored this morning so saw CASABLANCA for the umpteenth time, though it had been a while since i'd last seen it. And I still love the movie, there's something totally enchanting about black n' white movies. The brilliant potrayals by Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman, the superb supporting cast, a captivating display of human emotions and some of the most memorable quotes ever...Little wonder it's an all time classic. Here's looking at you, kid...

6 days. 192 messages. And a reply to each one of them.That's in addition to all the talks Su' and I have been having. And each one proving to be amazingly efficacious. That's the beauty of being in love...you can never get enough of that one person. You always know there's that one person out there who you can turn to anytime of the day or night and she's there for you....and it's okay to say how lonely you are. And most surprising of all,I can say some desperately stupid stuff and it still somehow turns out to be cute....And maybe now i'm getting too mushy, might as well as clam up!!

P.S: Speaking of doing things for the umpteenth time, am reading Douglas Adams' "Hitchhiker" again....another timeless piece that never seems to lose it's charm. And failed to read Stephen Hawking yet again...some things just aren't meant to be!!
P.P.S: The year's new recruitments are in at work..and the all guy quartet has sadly been broken up....not exactly broken up, just that we've a girl in the team now. And Abhi and J are already planning on hitting on her, but we didn't put bets up like last time(Hallejulah!!). Some things never change...*sigh*..

Memoirs Of An Insomniac...

Thursday night. My home. 26 Hours and still counting....

11:15 PM: 26 hours. That's how long it's been since I had my last nap. I haven't had anything close to sleep for much longer than that....four and a half days to be exact. Since then all I've had can only be termed as naps. The last I slept soundly was on saturday night. That was probably because I drank like a fish that night.Drank like a fish....I wonder who came up with that?? Just because fishes live in water doesn't necessarily mean they drink it all day, does it? What happens if they have to take a leak? Do they go in the water they live in or do they mark out any areas or anything?? Maybe there's something on the net about that. That's the trouble when you don't get enough sleep....you lose all clarity in thoughts. Or you dish out some real pearls of wisdom, like Al Pacino or Christian Bale did in their representations of insomniacs on the celluloid. But they both also did die in the end...i'd rather spout nonsense than die. Chad Kroeger's crooning to Santana's guitar. Love the song. "Into the night"..that's my latest ringtone. And that's my mum calling. And she asks me to go to sleep early. Parent's can be eerily psychic at a lot of times. I tell her I will....I tell myself i'm lying. I go back to the movie i'm watching. It's "Knocked Up"...I can't believe it made it to all time top 250 on IMDB. It's about a guy who's scared of commitment and having responsibilty of a kid. What's new in that? Hey! That dude with the long beard reminds of someone....
12:30 AM: It's a new day. The movie credits are rolling and no sign of drowsiness. I think of calling up Nipun. He'll be up all night too, just like me. For the records he's not into insomnia...it's his job timings that've turned him nocturnal. Otherwise I think he could sleep anytime you'd ask him to. I think i'll call him later, save it until i'm really bored. I take the Blogthings quizzes instead. They're amusing for a while, and I find out that if I was one of the X-men i'd be Mystique, which is cool except it's a girl...I was hoping more like Wolverine or something. And that i have lived 32% of my life, am marriage material, have medium commitment issues and other nonsense like that. I leave when the quiz titled "What fruit would you be?? " pops up...
1:45 AM: Nipun calls up. He's just as doggoned bored as I am, as we've been the last few months. Our conversations probably sum it up. Here's a sample...
"Nipun: Hey..what's happening??
Me: Nothing much. Just sitting around, doing nothing..."
This is followed by idle talk about what's on tv or some movie or songs., followed by thirty seconds of silence. And then,
"Me: So..what's happening?
Nipun: Nothing much. Just sitting around, doing nothing.."
Two bored souls trying to kill time..and failing miserably. Nipun took the X-men quiz too. Turns out he'd be Shadow-Cat. So we both'd be girls...neither one of us is happy. There's something wrong with the site....
2:30 AM: I switch on the TV to see what's on. Tele-marketing infomercials, re-runs of evening shows and B-grade Hollywood movies. So much for late night viewership. Seems like only people who watch television this late are either going bald or are overweight or need to learn english from a guy who reminds me of Santa Claus. HBO's showing Friday the 13th Part 9. It would've scared the crap out of me if I was 8, after that i'd find it funny..now I just feel sorry. I really feel sorry for Jason. Its not enough that he died in High School and has to wear a goalie mask for a face..Wes Craven had to inflict more pain on him and on us by making him re-appear in 8 sequels...
3:15 AM: I'm craving for a smoke right now. But it's been a month since my last ciggie and i'm not going back now. So I settle for a coffee instead. Caffeine for nicotine...a bad choice considering my situation, but i've always been a sucker for rhymes. And if any kids are reading this, Don't do drugs and don't smoke...that'll be my social service for the day. It's funny, but a mug of coffee seems to be a symbol of a man about to get into action, it gets you in that groove. It's like a guy walking with a full mug of hot coffee is saying "Yes!! I'm getting on with a lot of work...and this magical connoction will guide me through it." Batman probably has a coffee thermos tucked in somewhere in his utility belt. The bad guys would take Superman even more seriously if he took a large swig from a cup of black coffee before going "UP,UP AND AWAY"...cause then they'd know he's really serious about kicking their ass, he just had a cup of coffee loaded with caffeine. I need to get some sleep...
4:10 AM: The caffeine's kicked in. And i'm still bored. Bored and wide awake. I try listening to some songs which helps for a while until the fourth track starts. Strange how a song can stifle your breath and stab you through the heart. Ok, maybe i'm exaggerating...what I mean is bring back memories. Songs do that. Arch says i'm too nice a person, I wonder how good a thing that is. Am I really nice?? Am I too nice? Su' says that I try too hard to show i'm tough but inside i'm a softie. That's another way of saying I put up a tough exterior because i'm an emotional wreck inside. Maybe that's why I don't sleep...
5:30 AM: I've just spent the last hour and a half staring at the ceiling...thinking about stuff ranging from god, religion, girls, love, music and scrambled eggs ( that's what I plan on having for breakfast and the hunger pains are kind of setting in!!). The sunlight's started to creep in. Another night gone...
8:00 AM: I've been really early to work all week long for obvious reasons. Insomnia brings a hallucinatory quality to your days. Everything happens in slow motion, like in a dream...and the line between reality and dreams gets thinner than ever. Still an hour before work starts. I could catch up on the blog. It's been a while now. I've got my mug of coffee, I'm a man ready for action....

Friday morning. My cubicle. 35 Hours and counting....

Deep In Thought/Crazy Ramblings.

That, beside being my Orkut nick for the month, has also been my state of mind for quite some time now. So i'll just be writing out random thoughts out next. Some of it may be taken as advice, some of it may be my view point, some of it may just be randomly obnoxious thoughts. But it's my blog, so I do get some priviliges....

- Never judge anybody's intelligence, and don't let anybody judge yours. Always take your own decisions, so that if you're seventy and not happy about how your life turned out, you know who to blame. Don't let alumni tags, corporate logos or hefty pay packages intimidate you. Never do anything just because you feel everybody else's doing it. Be comfortable with who you are and what you do, the world's a much better place that way.

- Love happens..
Love happens to the most unassuming people at the most unassuming of times..
With love around, a heartbreak's just around the corner...
You can never fall out of love, you just learn to live with it...
It's never to early to fall in love again.

- Life will always suck if you look at it in totality. That's why it's called the real world. Bad people will do bad things and get away with them. Good people will spend their lives paying taxes, raising children and chasing dreams....and there's no such thing as a Tooth Fairy. The trick here is to dissect a lifetime into little moments and making sure you get the most out of them.

- If you get really expressive physically or vocally while listening to music, then listening to music on your earphones in public places can lead to embarrasing moments, like some of us find out the hard way....and no, you don'talways look as cool as you think you do. If you do, you're in a minority of the few lucky ones...

- Try observing a girl travelling along by any means of public transportation ( The Metro in my case). It seems to me while they do that they only have two expressions..it's either one that looks like they're really pissed off or a total blank stoned look. I understand how they get the stoned look, even I get that when i'm really bored. It's the "pissed off" expresion that had me confused. Initially I wondered if they were just mad because they had to travel alone or was it some PMS thing? But after some thought I think i've figured it out..it's to keep unwanted guys at bay. It's like a warning thing....a signal for "I hate guys coming up to me and bothering me while I travel alone." Which I think is totally fair..guys can get really irritating at times, like I am being right now...I hope this didn't sound sexist or anything. For the record, I love girls!!

- India won the T20 World cup!! No i'm not making any newsflashes..just expressing my joy....and shock, and maybe a bit of amazement. But the final was an awesome game, and showed what exactly makes Cricket the wonderful sport that it's put up to be...and how emotional I still can get while watching it. I was probably ten degrees beyond crazy after the last ball...

- And I just have to stop reading these other blogs. They make my life seem so dull and boring, mostly because the blogs I read belong to people still in college..and that's when we really do have most fun. And if people read this blog please do write in comments sometime so I know you're here...

"Spirit"ual nights.

Never drink too much. Never get too high. If I could pass on one piece of advice that would be it. But then on saturday nights, after a certain point, there's no such thing as being too drunk or being too high. Once you lose track of how much you're drinking....You lose it all. Your senses, your memory,your judgement and in all probability the money in your pocket. If you ever intend on getting stoned drunk...make sure there's a sober person around or lock yourself up insisde your home and go to sleep. That's something I now wished we'd done.

Saturday night. THE night. Started out as fun, ended as a total mystery. That's the thing when you get too stone drunk. Next day you get all these tell tale signs that you've had a lot of fun, more fun than you'd ever have sober....but you can't recall anything of it. It's like knowing you've had a meal at the best joint in town, you've the bill to show for it...but you'll never recall what it tasted like. And that irks you for a long while. The main reason you get the calling to have a lot of fun when you're drunk is that you lose all your inhibitions...the child in you comes out, a bit unstable but it's there. You do all the things you want to do but didn't because you were scared of what the people would think. But then there's this down side to it all...which rears it's head a few hours later. Junkie limbo as they call it. You can't feel anything, you won't remember anything. And next morning you wake up with a massive headache and wonder what did you do last night. You just have these flashes and you try to arrange them in an order. I'm still trying to figure out how I got these bruises, why my phone number's scrawled all across my jeans, how I got home and where did all my money go...and I don't think i'll ever find out. What happens on saturday night stays in saturday night...

Not Ready To Make Nice..

"Honesty is the best policy."
:- Ancient saying, now an endangered school of thought...

It's not easy doing the right thing in this world today...and in these times we live in. You must be wondering what brought me about to pass that judgement so I should get to it. This was about ten days back. I'm on my way back home, I get off at the Metro Station and while on my way to the elevator I spot a wallet lying near the seating area. So putting up my most inconspicuous look, I pick it up and mosey through it. 175 bucks, an ID card of some college, Bus pass and a Metro card. Now just like in one of the cartoons, my good and bad side are whispering out in my ear. Finally I decide to return the wallet. Mainly because im a good guy....and the girl in the pic of the ID was kinda cute. No, wait...THAT was the main reason, i'm no good guy or anything. So I call up the number given and tell her that i'm depositing her wallet with the metro people. The Metro guys take it after interrogating me like i'd stolen the thing, not returning it and making me write out a statement that i'd taken nothing from the wallet...so much for trust!!

Later on in the evening I get a call...it's the "wallet" girl's dad. And he asks me if I took out a few hundred bucks out before I'd returned the thing. Apparently, someone had gone through the wallet before i'd got to it. That's where I lost it. He tried to salvage the situation by saying something about it was nice to have honest people around but the damage was done. The whole feeling of having done the right thing for once had totally disappeared. And hence the observation about how tough it is to do the right thing out here. The next time anything like this happens i'm taking the money and treating myself. Or maybe I won't. The whole thing about what goes around comes around might hold true...even though I seriously doubt it.

The Truth About Death.

Funny died last friday. Funny, for the record, was my dog, and a loving friend for a major part of my life. And no, this is not going to be an eulogy about how great he was, eventhough he was, but you don't want to read about that. This is about the the day he died, gasping for air while I sat with him on my lap waiting for the vet to see him. I think I knew he wouldn't make it before it even struck, maybe we all did....but to see him give up after fighting for his last breath, the whole scene..it was the first time i've seen anybody die..and it sure did change a lot of perceptions I had about death....

Before this, I took it as a matter of fact..you live and then you die. And maybe I was a bit too cocky about it being young, knowing it isn't going to happen to me anytime soon as long as I don't live on the edge. Earlier, the only places I had seen death was where? In movies, read about it in books, heard about it in songs?? The picture about death there is so wrong, because those guys put out emotions on the front..or they take them away completely. Death is either total,raw carnage or they have this really poigant take on it....which in turn brought me to associate a kind of romanticism to the whole concept of death. But, then it hit me like a brick wall..it's all so wrong. Death's nothing like that. It's ugly...ugly and ruthlessly painful. There's life and then in a moment it all just blanks out, like somebody just yanked out your power chord. And by the way, as I see it, the last moment you have, I wouldn't think about people I love, or about the things I could've done with my life...it's all going to boil down to just one last thought,"I wish i could live some more. I don't want to die..."

Sweet Dreams...

She had this dream nestling in her eyes....
Cocooned,
Awaiting to come true..

And then a tide rose up in her mind,
A flood full of emotions.
All engulfed in a single drop...
And it splattered on the floor,
Leaving behind it's sting...

And as the blur wore out,
She couldn't escape the irony of it all.
Sweet dreams turned to salt....

A Place Called Home...

A couple of weeks back i got to go back home to Shimla after a really long gap ( Well, 10 months won't really cut it for a really long gap for most people, but by my usual standards it is. ) . Unfortunately, it wasn't a really long trip, and to be honest , it didn't really settle in as it used to earlier. It seems the whole place has metamorphised into this completely new place that I just don't recognise anymore..and worse, it's home but still i feel like a stranger being out there. Of course, home is still good ol' home..and I still know the place like the back of my hand. But somwhere deep inside, there's this sense of non- belonging, that the people just don't know me anymore and they couldn't care less. So now here I am, wondering if it's time I start calling Delhi my home, but then that's what makes me realise, Shimla is still the only place that I can go to without any inhibitions, a place where I can be myself, a place where i'm always welcome. So, there's still one place I'd call home....

Btw,there were a couple of incidents on the trip I could share with you. So here goes!!

Well, the first one happened on the first day itself. My mum really wanted to me to make a trip to this temple while I was home, and being the long trip that it is I thought i'd get it over with as soon as possible. So, after a lot of huffing and puffing over the hill I got there. Now, I'd planned to take some pics on my camera of the really amazing view from the top once I got there, which gave me a slight motivation to make the trip. So after the usual stuff, I thought i'd get some pics..so I amble over to this garden at the back, only to stumble upon a couple, deep in the enthroes of love, oblivious to everything, so I beat a hasty retreat, disgruntled about not getting the pics. (That, by the way, was the best view!!! ). And then I turned to the terrace, only to have the same scene repeated.....and like a sad movie re-run, again, when I went to the other side. So, there I was, after a steep climb, and still without any pics. After waiting for about fifteen minutes, I decided to call it a day and walked back home. Now that I think about it, I don't know who to feel more sorry for. There's me, who didn't get any pics after all the anticipation. Then there's the temple priest, vowed to celibacy and having to watch all these lovelorn couples, must be kind of frustrating, it'd be for me!! But I guess, it'd have to be the couples themselves...having to come up all that way just to get some time alone to themselves. Now there's one guy who can truly say "For you Baby, I climbed the highest mountain..."

Now, the second one happens during the trip back. On my way back, my cousin calls me up to pick up some wine and cider for him (Ok!! Who am I kidding? It was for me too...) . So I do that and put the "stuff" in my bag. Later at the next stop, Lady Luck shines and this cute girl gets on and gets the seat next to me. So, we got talking and strike up a conversation to kill time up until Chandigarh where we' were supposed to change. And when we're getting off, this girl is standing next to me waiting for me to come so we can catch the next bus, and that was the exact moment my bag's zipper gives away and all the booze comes tumbling out....a six-pack and a couple of bottles of wine. I've never seen anybody disappear faster, she did mumble something about making a call though..... Not that I blame her or anything...

Island To Tree

I feel like an island today...
No one understands things my way,
I was raised were each one was an island.

All problems were kept to self,
The only solutions were good if they
Came from some corner of your own shelf.

My island is flooded,
By waters that come in...
And I have no boat
To hold myself in.

What purpose do I serve in writing?
Hasn't everyone heard my story before?
I am strong and I am weak,
I have wants and I have needs...

I need to tell my story..
I want to let it be.
Becuase today I may be an island.
Tomorrow perhaps a tree...

Quotes...

I'm guessing all of you out there have already read this stuff out on my Orkut pro, but well it's stuff i wanted to post on my blog to preserve it out....

"I tell you again it doesn't apply,
Death or Life or Life or Death,
Cause living it up is upto you...
I know I've got to use words to talk,
But until you understand what they mean,
They are nothing to me and they're nothing to you..."

"Man probably made movies to show God that he could create heaven , hell and the essence of life...all on a white screen in a black room."

"There are so few ways in which we can be good, we can all be bad in a totally unique way. Good is cliche', too predictable...if there were no bad guys, there'd be no good guys. Without any good guys, we'd all be bad guys anyways. So Honey, good ain't worth it...Love the bad guy, it's much more fun!!"

The last one most of you haven't read, that was up on Valentine's Day this year....So atleast there's something new.

The Thinker

This is really going to sound oxymoronic as you read on further, but lately i've just been wondering why we think so much about things? And I don't mean to downplay our abilities to think, it's one of the greatest gifts we've got, to analyse, contemplate and to plan our lives out. If I had to take a guess though, we don't really do that as often as we say we do. The kind of thoughts i'm talking about here, the ones that run through our minds most of the times, are the kind that blindside you at the strangest of places when it is least required. In a middle of a presentation, in the middle of the night when you should really be trying to sleep, while watching television, on a lazy sunday afternoon..it could be basically anytime, any place.....when out pops this totally irrelevant, almost nonsensical thought that has no business being there in the first place, and it probably won't be worth anything to you in a significant kind of time. It'll just wither away with time. And then, your whole train of thoughts gets sidetracked.

And i'm thinking right now that most of you who read this should identify with what i'm saying. But don't fret or mull over this article, do spare a thought but not for too long, cause the mind can work in funny ways..and then when you least expect it, you could be thinking about what i wrote back there. Then you'll know what I was talking about....

A Mad, Manic Month.

After a really long hiatus, and probably after running out of all possible alibis I could think of to curb down this "Writer" alter-ego of mine....this really feels good, to be back writing again after a real long gap. And if anybody out here was missing me, you probably need to get some more interesting pursuits.... Just Kidding!!

It's ben a real roller-coaster of a month, and looking back in retrospect, either it's me who's going crazy or the world is. Because the more I try and make sense of all the things happening, the more I am preplexed about it all. The "Why's" and "How's" are still still hanging over my head like the Damocles' swords, questions that won't go away unsatiated. But eventhough life's been all erratic and well to put it simply, weird at times....there's still a lot i've learnt, like how lives can change in seconds, how I feel at times that all my life i've been lied to and only now that I know the world to I get to see the truth..and that it's not always pretty. That at times how necessary it can be to lie, that maybe there's more to me than I think I am. And that there's this thing called love that we've got, that somehow in the middle of it still manages to rear up its head time after time again. And there could be a lot more, every day brings something along.

But most important thing I probably learned is that I can't stay away from this place too long....it beckons to some part of me that craves to write. It doesn't know what might turn up in this head of mine..but it wants to write. It's great to be back....

What Do Women Want??

The question is as old as time itself. Generations of men have squandered their lifetimes thinking of an accurate answer to this query, and have failed time after time again. Even the great Sigmund was stumped by this one (Or so they say....but i'm pretty sure he must have been!!). So, just out of curiosity...and to kill some time, I decided to put up this question in "Yahoo Answers:, just to see the people's replies...and there were quite a few interesting ones. Still, the mystery shrouds the enigma that is the woman's mind, but the answers do make for a good reading....so presenting the best picks from the lot...

"How about to be treated well, and regarded as individuals rather than being lumped together in a group that includes more than half the population? Just a thought. "

"Man, if I could tell you that, I would be superman."

"We want guys to love us a lot but we also need our own space, besides that i really want a double scoop jello mello ice-cream."

"For men to leave us the hell alone when we are trying to dance with our friends...For men to stop being babies and over sensitive and cry at movies....For men to stop going to the same salon we go to, to get facials....-growls-For men to stop spending more money on their hair products than they do on a car payment...BE MEN...STOP BEING OVERLY DRAMATIC DRAMA QUEENS WHO ARE "FEMININE"......BE MEN!!! REMEMBER MEN, SMELL THE MOTOR OIL DEAR...! "

"Women want to be love by someone who loves them.for who they are and not what they have to offer.Cause most women are just as lovely on the inside as they are on the outside.so don't take us women for granted."

"Women wants a person who loves, respect them, and also treats them nice. A women doesn't want a lazy, liar,cheater, and a man without a job. We want someone who knows how to treat us, comfort us ,and at the same time please us. we want to be treated like women not animals. sometimes queens. TREAT US HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED. "

"All women are different but atleast for me...honesty, respect, affection, attention, someone to have fun with and oh and the sex has to be good!"

AND HERE'S PRESENTING THE PIE'CE DE RE'SISTANCE. The one I thought to be the most amusing of the lot....

"When you get this figured out please share it. I am 62 and have been married for 37 years and I still don't have a clue. To make matters even more confusing I raised 6 daughters and I still don't have a clue. But sometimes I have noticed that when they are unhappy over something they are usually fairly happy. "

Well, the judgement is clear...men have no specific idea about what women want. And the worst part is neither do the women. But that just adds to the fun of it all, doesn't it??

P.S. : Now, seriously..What do women want??

Reality Bites..

Before signing out, if any of you guys reading this blog of mine ( I hope there are some of those!!) are wondering why I don't ever post any incidents or happenings from my everyday life out here...The reason is perfectly simple. My life is a drag, as boring as it could probably get (I hope!!). So if you want any readings from my life, from what it's like to be me.....pray that something interesting happens to me that I feel like writing about. Till then, read on the bits and pieces I've coined together.

She's all that...

I wonder if I really should be doing this, but in my 22 year old life, I never have really made sense...even to myself, so I think I will, eventhough I know she will probably read this real soon, might even be the first one to do so. But she's special, and if she knows that it's all the more better. It's amazing how, over the last few months, from two people totally unknown to each other, it's transformed to this ...where I can't really go without talking to her for a while, and when I do it feels wonderful, like the world makes sense again. And when I don't I really miss her. And I love it when she says that she misses me. ...gives you that mushy, cuddly feeling I , frankly, gave up on some time ago. But all of the love and joy she spreads is the kind you yearn for, the kind you get used to....and I guess it gets you addicted. I'm still holding my ground, i'm still on my feet, 'cause i know the road,the signals and the direction...But she'll be special to me.
She'll always be my "Red Riding Hood". :)

P.S.: If you're reading this....waiting for you really sucks!! But you already know that....

Just A Thought.

Love and Hate don't ever need a reason to exist....
Neither does insanity.

Huh??

Well, once again the idiocy gets to me. The "Sunday Times' edit page was screaming it out loud...how we, as a society plagued with hypocrisy, have managed to transform sex from a three letter word to a building block for all the evils that haunt us today, to this devil never to be spoken of. From the people protesting against M F Hussain using nudity in his artistic works to some minister in MP asking to enforce a ban on some "vibrating condoms" because he thinks it's degenerative to the society, the message is loud and clear. Sex is something never to be heard or talked about, never mind that there are a billion and more of us out there (wonder how that came about to be??). Outside of our bedrooms, we are all supposed to behave like stoic purist virgins, condemning anything that has even got a hint of any sexual innuendo, scoffing our disapproval at anything that goes against our "culture". But really, these guys must really think that our thinking abilities must be amazingly degenerative or that we are stupidly gullible...that can be the only reason that they're implying that all this no-frills-sex talk is destroying our "culture". If a culture is made out of such weak moral fibre that a sketch of two girls about to kiss (Yeah..the LEE Straight Jeans campaign was banned too!!) or a stupid condom can shake it's roots, I wonder if it's a culture worth fighting for. And I, as a rationale, thinking, human being feel violated. Plato said "Give me the power to think, but also give me the freedom to be heard". Moreover wasting time and media space over such trivial issues doesn't make sense when there are much graver things to think about. If you want stricter punishments for rapists and paedophiles, or stop illegal sex trafficking, or do something about prevention of AIDS , or come up with something to control the population, I'm all for that.....now,that would make sense to me. But to insinuate that pleasure has got nothing to do with sex.....c'mon!!!

Days Go By...

I sub conciously always knew this would happen someday, or perhaps it's been years since this happened, it's only that the realisation has dawned upon me now (glory be!!) ...but it seems i've lost all sense of time. Days turn into nights and back into days again.... and all this while I'm watching time crawl by in slow motion, until I remember something to do...that's when it revvs up at such a fast pace that it reminds me of those psychedelic dreams you get when you're really stoned....everything's moving at snail's pace one moment and at the speed of light in the next. And all this while, I'm there, trying to reinforce in my mind that this is all really happening....time really is passing me by, the moment will be gone before I realise that I've actually lived it. But before I know it, the moment is gone....lost forever, never to return again. I keep losing days complaining how nothing ever happens that I would like to remember forever, how I am so bored of the way life's progressing...and think to myself tomorrow will be better. But before I know it, tomorrow is yesterday and i'm still at ground zero. Maybe they aren't so wrong when they say "Live for the moment." I'm still trying to figure out what that means, but the words do make sense....one life to live, and i'll live each moment of it. And someday "time" will actually mean something to me...something more than a couple of hands of the clock moving cordially in circles to make up the motions.

Who Cares??

Basically I'm complicated
I have a hard time taking the easy way
I wouldn't call it schizophrenia
But I'll be at least two people today

If that's okay

And I can go on and on and on... but who cares?

It's deep how you can be so shallow
And I'm afraid cause I have no fear
And I didn't believe in magic
Until I watched you disappear
I wish you were here

And I can go on and on and on... but who cares?

You see, everybody is somebody
But nobody wants to be themselves
And If I ever wanted to understand me
I'll have to talk to someone else

Cause every little bit helps

And I can go on and on and on... but who cares?

( From " Gnarles Barkley - Who Cares " )

Of Grey Clouds And Silver Linings...

Strange, isn't it?? Just when you start thinking that life couldn't get any better, just when you've nestled into this cosy feeling that everything's perfect, when you think all the ghosts of the past have been exorcised....That is the exact time fate chooses to break open the vault and all the skeletons of a tainted past come all tumbling out. Sometimes, I think that God is like a kid with a magnifying glass playing in the sun, and we're the ants. His intentions are not evil, he doesn't really want to hurt us, he just likes to see us scurrying around trying to dodge the trouble. And that's what life is turning out to be...about how long you can dodge your troubles and stay in the shade.

But then, maybe it's a good thing that fate deals with us in the way it does, bringing out the past...making you stand face to face with it. Because if you've done that and come out of it unscarred, that's a big thing, it makes you a better person and it takes care of your conscience...which is a major thing. So just keep this in mind, next time the sky is totally clear and you think it's spring, the dark clouds will inevitably arrive...but then, every grey cloud will also have a silver lining.

World Of Words.

I am an artist,
Dancing to the music...
Of my own words.

Creating upon a page
A world of my own,
Living my life...
Engulfed in a world of words.

"Bheja" Fried!!!

"Bheja Fry"...The sleeper hit of the season. Most of you guys might have watched it, and most of them will agree with me when I say that it's a good movie...and those of you unlucky souls who haven't caught it yet, I'd recommend it. Now, before you people jump to any conclusions and start thinking that I've started doing movie reviews in the blog....that is not what this is about. This has to do with this article in this newspaper that i ran across last week...and the sheer stupidity I feel that's attached to it. Well, apparently some of the hindi profanities in the movies have been bleeped out from the movie, and the reasoning that the "Oh-So-Rationale" Censor Board has given for it is that the "C" word ( I won't say the whole words 'cause this blog is meant for family viewing!!) sounds so vulgar that it has to be bleeped out even in a movie that has an A rating.

Now, I compare this to another movie, "A Perfect Stranger" that came around the same time...Loads of semi-nudity, sexual and graphic violence and a bunch load of profanities, "F" words and all. But there was no editing done. The reason? Well, apparently the moral police has double standards. They are under the notion that the "F" word is more of a cool slang than a means of verbal abuse...and sexual nuances in english movies are acceptable because they're essential to the plot. But, our poor lil' local cousin...the "C" word is bleeped out because it has not been endorsed by rockstars and celebrities...unlike the "F" word. It sounds so cheap and vulgar that even a forty year old guy can't bear to hear it....leave alone the fact that if you wanna hear it shouted out all you have to do is stand at a street corner for half an hour, and nine times out of ten, you'll hear it. So all I say is if you guys think it's against our moralities to hurl abuses, then don't play partial just because people have defined one word as "cool" and the other as "cheap". The director of the movie was only being true to real life, those abuses are a real part of our daily lexicon, wether you guys want to accept it or not...don't penalise him for that.

In the end, all that I'll say is that the whole thing just shows what a bunch of hypocrites and a load of suckers these guys are, thinking that anything coming out of the west has to be good, even if it's crap. Which reminds me of the movie tagline for "Bheja Fry"...."Have you ever met an idiot??". Well, if you have not, just amble around to the office of the censor board...You're sure to meet some there.

But then again...

The last few posts I've been a tad too sceptical about the way we are, and it paints a pretty grim picture. But before you lose all hope, Believe me in this....All is not lost. It's just about how comfortable we're with these imperfections in our lives, and in our acceptance of them being real. The world is still a pretty great place. People still love to smile. Happiness still lies in the smallest things. A beautiful spring day still brings warmth to your heart. Cute lil' dogs still make me want to play with them. People still want to fall in love. We still feel that nothing beats the feeling of having your friends around. Home is still the best place in the world. Family still comes first. We still manage to grimace a smile at complete strangers. We still hate saying goodbye, and when we do we still hug and kiss. Kids still have idols to look upto. We still love getting back to mother nature. And we still love to be the nice guys. So it's not that bad....if there was no bad there'd be no good, right?? They just co exist, that's it....So enjoy your life, 'cause I don't know about heaven or hell..but this is real.

Sex, Power, Money and Lies...

" Sending The Devil to the angels, Jesus burns in hell."

The first time i read these words encrypted on the background wall in a Hellblazer comic book ( probably so that no one would really notice it in the background ), my first thoughts were that " God!! That is going to get the DC guys into some real trouble with the Vatican Semitics!!" But somehow those words just stuck in my head somewhere...and I look all around at the world and see that maybe it wasn't all that wrong. If you want to make your life really worth living, it's so-called bad forces you've to stick close to. The virtues can only take you so far, at a certain point you just have to live in sin.

Sex, power, money and lies....The four basic elements. The powers that rule us for all our lives, things that overshadow all in comparison. What would you give them up for. Love? Seriously, does anyone ever love anybody for their "inner beauty". Honestly, what's the first thing that you notice in a person you fall in love with..what's that first step to love. It's all about our carnal instincts at the beginning....love matures later on. Happiness and peace of mind? Money will get your happiness...try bringing inner peace when you don't know where your next meal is coming from. Success?? Being in control, having the power is what gets you success..being in control of your mind and being able to manipulate others according to your will. Making other people happy?? Try being blatantly honest with every body you meet and let's see how happy they are..we all inevitably have to lie..

So maybe I'm a sinner, maybe I sold my soul. But atleast I preach what I practise....We all love the dark side and now we're addicted. Amen.

You think you know??

It's really strange the number of times we all can be wrong about the things we totally put our beliefs in, things we assume to be true with all heart..when in fact in the end they all just turn out to be lies, illusions we just made up according to our convenience, or worse still beliefs that were passed on to us, time tested to be true since eternity. And in the end they all turn out to be misquoted....nobody ever tells you about the strings attached..that there are certain conditions that apply.

People say that they know me, have known me all my life, know me inside out. And I can't even begin to tell you how often we are wrong when we say that. No one ever really knows a person except for that person. We've all got a good , a bad and an ugly side to us...but nobody but me can see them all, 'cause we all just put up a charade depending upon who we are with and where we are....adapting to the environment at it's best. Everybody who looks at me sees a different face, it's not my face that changes. It's what people have in their minds that changes the whole way in which they perceive me to be. They see what they think to be true, what they want to see...oblivious to the real me. So the next time you feel that you really know the people around you, think again..do you really know??

Another thing we all blindly put our faith in is the concept of love....To fall in love head over heels, not caring about one's own self, just falling totally and completely in love with that one perfect person. Which is just about the biggest lie I've ever heard. Love is totally over rated. Falling blindly in love and giving your all to someone sounds real great...but only when the guys in Hallmark talk about it, 'cause for them love sells. Loving someone more than one's own self is the biggest illusion about love ever created. The only person you can love totally, without conditions, no matter what happens...can only be your own self, it can never be some one else. No matter what all those lovey-dovey songwriters say, from another person you'll always want something back. Real life love is just about how much you can stand each other, how much of each other's worst can you take and if you can even it out.....if you can like a person at their worst. If you think a girl still looks like the most precious thing on the earth on a day she's got a real bad cold and is totally dishevelled and is cribbing about it all day long... that's what I'd say love is about.

So next time before you really think you really know it all about something...just reach in deep in your mind and ask yourself if you really do know about it, or do you just think you know...

Looking at you...

I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
It feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home sitting all alone inside your head

How do you feel?
That is the question
But i forget.. you dont expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes
Initialized and folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You cant expect a bit of hope
And while your outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what your staring at is me

Cause I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
All i know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

How much is real?
So much to question
And never dare make up the mannequins
Contaminating everything
When thought came from the heart
It never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises(No more sad voices)
Before you tell yourself
Its just a different scene
Remember its just different from what you've seen

Im looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
And all i know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

( From "Stone Sour - Through The Glass" )

Resolutions.

Well, once again it's that time of the year....the beginning of a new year and along with it comes the inevitable season of making New Year resolutions. Resolutions....now we've all made them, from losing weight to quitting smoking to making a cool million dollars, we've all made them and unfailingly time and time again, we have somehow managed to break them. Only a lucky few of us succeed in living up to them. And I am no exception, I've have had my share of them, even though they keep on changing with time. During certain ambitious moments it's been to get my career on track. During certain lovestruck "cupidised" days it has been to get closer to certain cuties from the past. And during moments of utter despair, it's been just to somehow hopefully to make it through the new year. This year i had totally made up my mind not to make one, but just a week into the new year and since people have driven me up the wall asking about it, I've decided to change my mind and now, I'm making one......


"To live life to it's fullest, to take on each day as it comes and to make the most out of it." That was my father's reply to me when I asked him about his new year resolution, some five years back on a sunday morning. At that time I couldn't help thinking that he was trying to take the easy way out, being non-committal and not being goal oriented and all...so that there'd be no guilt pangs involved afterwards. Think about it, the only person who can tell how happy he is with his life is that person himself, right?? But, now I see the sense my father's resolution makes. Becoming involved and fussing over non trivial things that really don't matter in the long run, we lose sense of the bigger picture involved, life as a whole. In the end all of our resolutions are just steps towards the end destination....living life to the fullest. So, if anybody asks me about my new year resolution, well here it is , as quoted by my father on a cold January morning in Shimla ; " To live life to it's fullest, to take on each day as it comes and to make the most out of it.".....And on my part I'd also like to make a cool Million bucks. Hey!! Who knows??